Advice and stories elsewhere on the web:
- In Or Out? What shall it be? — A pep talk on coming out.
- Coming “Out” Poly — Reflections on different type of coming out.
- Coming out Poly — Another pep talk on coming out.
- Coming out for the holidays — The polyamorous misanthrope gives advice on how to come out.
- Out and proud, or TMI? — Dan Savage’s take on coming out as non-monogamous, as covered by Alan.
- Bring Poly Home — Mistress Matisse talks about coming out to her family, as covered by Alan.
- Coming out poly — Q and A advice on where and when to come out (also here).
- Tips for Coming Out to Your Kids — An article giving advice from Curve, a lesbian magazine. Advice about polyamory is at the bottom of the article.
- When do you tell your date that you’re poly — The Boston Open Relationships Examiner gives an answer to an often asked question.
- Coming out as poly — Reflections on being poly, published in PRISM magazine.
- Ryam’s Coming Out Story — The story of a person prominent in the early polyamory community.
- Revolution, love, and nonmonogamy — A post thinking about “the personal is political” in relation to coming out.
- The Lessins Coming Out Articles — These articles talk about the Lessins’ advice on how to move through jealousy.
- Polyamory: Many Loves — An early essay of someone personally coming out as poly.
- Love is the Only Infinite Resource — An article describing coming out.
- I am by nature polyamorous — A coming out post.
- How do I tell my family I’m polyamorous? — A short bit of advice from the UK.
- What do you tell your children/families? — Advice in Vanpoly’s FAQ.
- Poly and Jolly for the Holidays — Poly in the news links to a number of places talking about how to be out around the winter holidays.
- Coming Out — How did you do it? — One of the most popular threads over at the Polyamory Weekly Forums.
People asking for advice when someone else came out to them:
- Disgusted Mom in Henderson, Nev., as covered by Alan.
- Help! My Daughter Is Seeking an ‘Open’ Marriage, as covered by Alan.
- My long-term bf just came out to me as polyamorous.
- Old Friends coming out as polyamorous.
People asking for advice:
- Ask Professor Foxy: How Do I Tell My Parents About My Poly Relationship?
- Bianca Knows Best … And Helps a Polyamorous Woman, as covered by Anita Wagner.
- How to casually come out as poly?
Resources for coming out as something else:
Whether you are choosing to reveal that you are poly, that you’re gay, or other hidden things about yourself many of the processes are the same. You have to come to accept yourself, and then figure out how to face the reactions of those close to you when you choose to talk about yourself. You face the fact that you might be rejected for who you are. Here are resources, mostly from the LGBT community, that talk about coming out.
- OpenKink — A site, run by Alex Lindsay, American Leatherman 2009, which is looking for “people who are open about their kink, who would like to share their coming out kinky stories or anecdotes about their developing sexuality.”
- Covering: The Hidden Assault on Our Civil Rights — A book looking at the civil rights around minority groups’ expression: “Everyone covers. To cover is to downplay a disfavored trait so as to blend into the mainstream. Because all of us possess stigmatized attributes, we all encounter pressure to cover in our daily lives. Given its pervasiveness, we may experience this pressure to be a simple fact of social life.”
- When Someone You Love Is Kinky — A book helping people in the BDSM scene come out.
- Books about coming out — A few books recommended by the people who run the polyamory related books list.
- The Asexual Visibility and Education Network: Coming Out of the Closet and To be out, or not to be out? An asexual dilemma… — Coming out stories about commutation in relationships, and talking to family.
- The Bisexual’s Guide to the Universe and What I’ve Learned Since Coming Out — A review of a possibly helpful book, and reflections on life after coming out.
- The Coming Out Project — The HRC’s coming out project formed to help LGBT people and allies come out.
- Get Support — PFLAG’s support network for families and friends of GLBT people.
- Coming Out: When is the Right Time? a Guide for GLBT Teens.
- Five basic ways to be supportive of someone who’s coming out as bi — Good advice on supporting someone who is coming out.
- Coming out — Wikipedia’s article about coming out.
- Coming Out — An article about coming out at the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, a wiki run by the BBC.
- Jesus Comes Out — A christian sermon given at the Metropolitan Community Church Hartford about being queer, mentions polyamory.
- Thorough advice and links to other resources from Columbia’s Go Ask Alice:
Pamphlets, brochures, and other useful tools for explaining polyamory:
- Polyamory 101 — A brochure from MN Poly.
- Polyamory FAQ — Loving More‘s FAQ.
- Polyamory F.A.Q. — A brochure from MN Poly.
- Responsible Non-Monogamy — A brochure from the South Bay Bisexual Organizers and Activists (SoBOA).
- Understanding Polyamory — A brochure from the Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness (UUPA), other brochures are at the bottom, find a pdf copy here.
Articles that it might be useful to share:
- And Baby Makes Four: My daughter has two moms, one dad, and no complaints — Published by babble.com.
- Love’s new frontier — Published by the Boston Globe Sunday Magazine.
- Love unlimited: The polyamorists — Published by New Scientist.
- Pairs With Spares: For Polyamorists With a Whole Lotta Love, Three, or More, Is Never a Crowd — Published by The Washington Post.
- Only You. And You. And You. Polyamory—relationships with multiple, mutually consenting partners—has a coming-out party — Published by Newsweek.
- “The Best” or “Show Your Parents” as picked by Alan at Poly in the News.
Papers that it might be useful to share:
- What Psychology Professionals Should Know about Polyamory, which contains updated versions of:
- Commitment in Polyamorous Relationships.
- Lessons from Long-Term Male Couples in Non-Monogamous Relationships.
- Therapy with Clients Who Are Bisexual and Polyamorous — Published in Affirmative Psychotherapy with Bisexual Women and Bisexual Men.
Books:
Find books at a library near you with WorldCat.
- Love You Two — A work of fiction by researcher Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli about an adolescent, Pina, who learns that her mother is polyamorous. This book won the 2010 Lambda Literary Award in Bisexual Fiction.
- Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships — A very inclusive book by Tristan Taormino for people new to non-monogamy; includes a chapter on coming out.
- Open: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage — A book by Jenny Block coming out as poly, and explaining how she got to that point.
- The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures (new edition) — A classic book on non-monogamy by Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy, revised.
- Understanding Non-Monogamies — A new academic book exploring various forms of non-monogamy, read Peppermint’s contbution.
The standard set of useful links:
- alt.polyamory — The webpage of the usenet group.
- Franklin’s polyamory FAQ — This website could as well be in the book section. Helpful notes on negotiatng poly relationships.
- Loving More — The website of a leading polyamory activism organization, which does everything from organize conferences to print a magazine.
- Polyamory in the News reviews any news article published of interest to the poly community.
- Polyamory Media Association — This group helps the media find polyamorous people to participate in works.
- Polyamory Weekly — A very popular podcast.
- Practical Polyamory — The website of the polyamory skills educator and advocate Anita Wagner.
- Opening Up — The website that accompanies the book which has a large selection of further resources.
- Wikipedia’s Polyamory article.
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