One way to gain a better understanding of our deepest conflicts is to examine who and what we judge. If we judge another person it is likely that we are judging some aspect of who we are. Judgment on its own is separating, but if we examine our judgments we can become more conscious of our issues.
For example, if we judge people who have no money as “white trash” we might actually be uncomfortable with our own financial past or present, and looking for someone else to be “better than.” Additionally, if we judge love songs as “stupid” or “silly” then it may be that we are denying the vulnerable emotions which these songs address.
It is useful to make a list of all the people you have been telling yourself you don’t like then specify exactly what it is that you judge about that person. Try to examine if there are repressed aspects of your personality that relate to these traits you don’t like. For example, if you have written down that you don’t like your Uncle Joe because he is a control freak, examine your own relationship to control. Do you feel out of control? Do you secretly try to control situations? This is an example of how your judgments arise from a place of inner conflict.
I believe that we all know intuitively and logically that the world would be a better place if everyone was free to be who they really are. However, we are deeply entrenched in a system in which we are not only comfortable with judging each other, but see this as normal behavior. Eventually we will have to deal with the fact that every human being is interconnected and our separation through judgment inhibits our emotional and spiritual growth.
Of course it is easier to say “try to not judge” than to do it. We often find ourselves in social situations in which the norm is obviously about judging another individual or group. It takes a lot of energy to fight against this kind of dynamic. The best you can do is decline to partake in the judgment. As we work on reducing our judgments it is valuable to utilize them as a method of gaining self-awareness during the process.
To be completely judgment-free is a challenging ideal, and there is no need to feel guilty if you find that you have many judgments. Of course you weren’t born with these judgments. You learned them. You probably learned that some people in your life will reward you for judging people that they don’t like. People raised in sexist, racist, or homophobic households are likely to have more re-learning to do than those raised by non-judgmental people. Enjoy the process as you find that letting go of the judgments you have learned will liberate you from subconsciously judging yourself.